You'll have to excuse me for all of my posts today. I am shutting down my website and just using blogger and my monthly newsletter and facebook to keep in touch, so I wanted to archive my old blog posts on here, but somehow I can't seem to change the date to 2009. Maybe I'll figure that out as I learn blogger more :)
I have had a great three months of the new year already. Can you believe we're already about 3 months in? I've traveled to Kripalu for the first time to study with David Vendetti and Todd Skolgund, I've begun practicing at South Boston Yoga much more, and I've started a daily yoga practice (30 days in TODAY). Not bad huh? And through it all I'm learning that one of my lessons this year is no expectations. I was always someone who put high expectations on myself, but often higher expectations of those closest to me. This made me very competitive, a perfectionist, control freak and quite demanding. Through my practice of yoga, and also perhaps the wisdom that comes as you get older, I have loosened those expecations on myself significantly. I know my strengths, I know my limitations, I know when I can push harder, and I know when I have to let go. That doesn't mean I still don't feel insecurities as to whether I'm doing my "jobs" well - as a yoga teacher, volunteer coordinator at yogahope, girlfriend, daughter, friend, etc I've realized when I worry less about these roles and more about just being me as much as I can I know I'll be doing my best.
The issue I've often had is dropping these expectations for others, particularly those I am closest to. I still am demanding at times, and finding myself disappointed and frustrated. I am the creator of my own suffering. The more I am present to what I am doing I start to realize how unfair it is of me to expect of others what I do not expect of myself. They are not robots and are human like me, and carry their own stresses and are sometimes distracted, in their head, tired, or just not feeling like their usual self. The ones I love the most give me the space to just be me, in whatever capacity that is for my current moment and situation, so shouldn't I do the same? I noticed in those moments when I have I receive more. When I am not expecting, I can see all around me, instead of just the wall in front of me. I am more aware, and have less tunnel vision. This allows me to be open to receiving. If I am not open, the universe will not send such gifts to me. I am understanding this lesson slowly and hoping to live it in 2010.
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