The Weary Kind

It's the evening before another foot to 2 feet of snow and wintry mix fall on the Boston area. I am getting weary. I think it's snowed every week like clockwork since Christmas. And we're not talking storms that bring a dusting... we're talking storms that bring inches or feet. This began as the first winter in a long time that I've been feeling good about, excited about. I couldn't wait for it to snow. And now, well enough is enough! It's cozy and nurturing and all kinds of yummy goodness when you can stay in. When you have to drive in it, when you have no place to put the snow - the fun begins to end. The weary feeling starts to set in. Weariness at just hearing about another storm without even having to shovel yet.

I was feeling this as I went to yoga this AM to take class. I was running late and looking for parking in Southie on Foundry St. Many of the available parking spaces are covered in snow or ice since many folks don't move their cars and they just don't plow very well there. I found a space and knew as I pulled into it I was on ice. Tried to back out and spun my wheels smelling burning rubber for a few moments. I decided to let it be and head in to take class and then teach afterward. What could I do at that moment by keeping those wheels spinning except create more suffering for myself? I came out early afternoon and couldn't move my car - still stuck. I walked to the apartment building near there and asked for help. A young guy came out and threw some ice melt down, and moved my car out of the spot for me. I went to the store on my way home, got some ice melt, and threw it in my car. Lesson learned and so grateful for the kindness of strangers!

Winter really seems to bring our community together. People are often helpful because we're all in this together. That's a nice feeling isn't it? Community reminds me of the importance of asking for help. It's easy to do that with our loved ones, and other community of people (friends, work etc) that we trust and see all the time. It's harder to do with our larger community, the Boston community, the MA Community, the USA community, the World community. We forget our humanity. I'm just so happy it all exists. I am not alone. And I don't feel so weary anymore.

Your hearts on the loose
You rolled them sevens with nothing lose
And this aint no place for the weary kind

You called all your shots
Shooting 8 ball at the corner truck stop
Somehow this dont feel like home anymore

And this aint no place for the weary kind
And this aint no place to lose your mind
And this aint no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try

Your body aches
Playing your guitar and sweating out the hate
The days and the nights all feel the same

Whiskey has been a thorn in your side
and it doesnt forget
the highway that calls for your heart inside

And this aint no place for the weary kind
And this aint no place to lose your mind
And this aint no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try

Your lovers wont kiss
Its too damn far from your fingertips
You are the man that ruined her world

Your hearts on the loose
You rolled them sevens with nothing lose
And this aint no place for the weary kind
- Ryan Bingham from Crazy Heart Soundtrack

A Year of Firsts

We are almost a month into 2011 and I am amazed at how positive and upbeat I am feeling about this year already. I went into the new year deciding to support my highest good, and within each moment, listening to what I needed or wanted. This is something I've always convinced myself I'm good at because I am such an intuitive person, but being intuitive doesn't mean you necessarily listen to what your intuition tells you :) That was my AH HA moment. I've realized I've been much more comfortable just going along with the flow, and often not speaking up when I needed to or should - and even when I knew what I needed at that moment.

So I started the new year out with yoga. I breathed, I sweat, I meditated, I chanted.... I celebrated community and the joy of being in this body, in this human experience, with about 100 other folks. It was amazing, and cultivated positive energy that has supported me thus far. It was a first for me. The first time I did not ring in the new year drunk. The first time I said what I was going to do without waiting to see what others had planned. The first time I didn't do the traditional new years kiss with my boyfriend. The first time I chose to spend new years without him. Leading up to this empowering choice of mine, I was freaking out. I was agonizing over choosing something I wanted and wondering what others thought of me. And you know what? The world didn't end, my boyfriend and my friends were still there the next day, some of my friends even came out that night to practice yoga. Through it all I started to understand that I actually have what I've always wanted - loving and supporting relationships. That I have become the women I've wanted to be - a woman who makes her own choices. It's allowed me to trust what I have - relationships, work, etc so much more and to just not question like I did. It's led to more firsts - making almost an entire dinner by myself for my boyfriend and I with recipes I chose, marketing myself more because I believe in my teaching and feel my students and friends want to hear what I'm doing, what to know what I'm thinking, hence this blog. Replacing fear with optimism and enthusiasm is quite liberating.