This past weekend was the graduation of the 2010-2011 South Boston Yoga teacher trainees. It was a weekend of joy, of celebration, and sadness over the end of what was an amazing 7 months. I was more excited than sad because I had seen the unveiling of these 50 or so individuals over the course of these 7 months. They learned to choose freedom first, and with that they will shine wherever they go. I also knew that because of this time we spent together, they belonged to me, and I belonged to them. I witnessed their process and for that I am forever grateful because it changed me as well. The time we spent together formed a connection, and I truly believe we will feel like we've come home, like we belong, whenever we see each other again.
All of that being said, I think it's easy to lose this sense of belonging as years past, as our lives change, and we start to forget and feel lost. We question whether we are where we are supposed to be, perhaps with the person we are supposed to be with, or doing the job we're supposed to be doing. We forget that until we feel we have a place where we are, we will not have a place anywhere. Until we feel we belong where we are, we will not belong anywhere.
So much time is spent resisting where we are, looking forward or looking back, wanting and desiring more. I am not saying that if you're in a suck your spirit dry job or loveless relationship that that is where you belong, but in a sense, if you are there, you need to take a closer look before you can move forward. You need to understand what part of you feels it belongs there and often when you take a look, you realize that part of you isn't working anymore, and then you can move on.
When I moved to MA, I moved here for a boy. I was dating someone in college, we graduated, and he and his family lived here. I decided to come even though I had doubts. It was where I belonged. The relationship ended soon after moving here and I was left with no car, no apt, very little money, and no friends. Where did I belong now? I thought about packing it all in and moving back to NY to live with my parents and in a town I did not want to be in. I knew that was not what I wanted and I knew that was not where I belonged. I got into therapy, I got a car, learned to drive stick, got an apt with roommates, and got into yoga. I found peace within myself and belonging there.
It feels like it's not an easy task to belong because we put up walls as to why we can't connect with this person, or do this job, or live in this place, etc etc If there were no walls, it would be easy to belong anywhere, because you are at home with YOURSELF. If we keep running away, we won't belong whether we are single, married or divorced, in our dream job or a job we loathe, living in sunny California or snowy Boston. Belong where you are before you can belong anywhere.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Ripple Effect
Ah... sunshine, warm breezes, t-shirts and open windows. It's happening. Can you feel it? Spring is a time to put out the trash so to speak and welcome in the new. It's ironic that we make resolutions and set intentions in January when most of us just want to hibernate. Our energy usually isn't about creating anything new, but just surviving. Spring is often the time of new relationships, the whole love is in the air effect. And sometimes spring is the end of old ones as we feel that energy to get rid of what's not working. A spring clean.
I was sitting outside this past week on a Thursday afternoon. This is a busy day for me, as I teach 4 classes. I get a break in the middle of the day and while I used to drive back home to the studio after my noon class for lunch, I often hang around. A friend treated me to lunch, a nice surprise, and then I took a drive looking for a park. I ended up parking in Dedham town center and walking along the river. I found a somewhat quiet spot - quiet enough. It was just me there. I closed my eyes, took in the sunshine for a bit, listened to chatter of kids nearby walking home from school, birds chirping. I decided to throw some rocks into the water, and began to watch the ripples move in the water. It was interesting to see how the rock made a splash upon impact in the water but it was the ripple that continued on indefinitely - until I couldn't tell if it was there or not anymore as much as I tried to follow it with my eyes. And nature once again became my teacher.
Our thoughts and actions are like that initial stone. We simply think a thought, maybe speak a thought, and it has an effect on our energy, those we come in contact with. The same goes for our actions. This ripple carries on indefinitely, so that our initial thought or action is affecting dozens, hundreds, thousands... we have no idea if there is a limit or where it would be. Imagine if you made this a positive thought or action. Imagine if it was a negative thought or action. It's very easy to get caught up in our own lives, our own drama, our own bubbles and not consider this ripple effect. All you need to do is drop a stone into the water to be reminded of how powerful and influential a being you are.
I was sitting outside this past week on a Thursday afternoon. This is a busy day for me, as I teach 4 classes. I get a break in the middle of the day and while I used to drive back home to the studio after my noon class for lunch, I often hang around. A friend treated me to lunch, a nice surprise, and then I took a drive looking for a park. I ended up parking in Dedham town center and walking along the river. I found a somewhat quiet spot - quiet enough. It was just me there. I closed my eyes, took in the sunshine for a bit, listened to chatter of kids nearby walking home from school, birds chirping. I decided to throw some rocks into the water, and began to watch the ripples move in the water. It was interesting to see how the rock made a splash upon impact in the water but it was the ripple that continued on indefinitely - until I couldn't tell if it was there or not anymore as much as I tried to follow it with my eyes. And nature once again became my teacher.
Our thoughts and actions are like that initial stone. We simply think a thought, maybe speak a thought, and it has an effect on our energy, those we come in contact with. The same goes for our actions. This ripple carries on indefinitely, so that our initial thought or action is affecting dozens, hundreds, thousands... we have no idea if there is a limit or where it would be. Imagine if you made this a positive thought or action. Imagine if it was a negative thought or action. It's very easy to get caught up in our own lives, our own drama, our own bubbles and not consider this ripple effect. All you need to do is drop a stone into the water to be reminded of how powerful and influential a being you are.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Detox with Stillness
It's March and finally we can see the grounds and sidewalks again. It's a muddy, dirty and often hilarious mess. I've found not only the Christmas tree we placed out before one of our many storms between Dec. 26 and early Feb, but a hairdryer and small fan in our melted snowbank. I look at this mess and I think DETOX. Yard needs to be picked up, branches cleared, sidewalks cleaned and soon we will see green grass growing, flowers and trees blooming, people walking about. This detox applies to us as well. During the winter we hibernate, we plant seeds for our spring growth and hopefully do some internal work for what is to bloom. Sometimes more often than not, we're eating heavy foods, being lazy and watching episode after episode of Grey's Anatomy on our couch - myself included.
One thing I made a routine this winter, in addition to keeping up with my yoga practice, was a meditation practice. I started taking class once or twice a week at South Boston Yoga and attempted to add in some time during the week at home. I began this because I found during my meditation class when I sat for 30 to 45 min that my mind was going in all kinds of directions. It made me realize that if it was doing this while I was still, it must also be doing it while I was moving around, even during my yoga practice, and that I was never truly PRESENT. This was scary to me, in the sense I didn't want to live my life that way. I wanted to fully show up for my students, my friends, my boyfriend, my family, etc.
There was a great article on Elephant Journal recently http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/03/why-yogis-dont-meditate/ which talked about why yogis don't have a regular meditation practice. I admit I was one of these yogis. The only times I've been able to commit to a regular practice is with a teacher - first years ago with a Buddhist monk at the Concord Buddhist Center and now at South Boston Yoga. I kept telling myself before my regular practice that I didn't need to sit to meditate - I'd meditate while practicing, teaching, doing the dishes, etc. Some of this was true. I have found that teaching is one of the places I am truly in the moment - most days :) But within my yoga practice it depended on the teacher. If I was with a teacher who encouraged rest and doing what worked for me, I could get out of my head. If I was a teacher who was tougher, more vigorous, I became competitive. And in my daily life, I was a horrible listener with friends and family, often stuck in my head, zoning out.
It's a practice, but I find I am able to listen better, to look people in the eye, to HEAR them and to notice when I am not. I am able to be there for my students more, and for myself in my own practice. I take challenging classes and teachers and modify, rest as I need to. I am not fully present all the time, but I am calmer, able to be ok with stillness and not just filling space with endless chatter. I am even considering a 10 day silent meditation this June. http://www.dhara.dhamma.org/ns/ My meditation teacher recommended it to me recently and my first reaction was completely from my head "what? me? are you sure?" I was in total fear. He reassured me and then I thought more about it, and said, why not? What better way to detox than to be with myself in the most intimate format? I was telling one of my students about it and he said "Heck no! I'd go crazy." I'm not saying this type of retreat would be right for everyone - some people need to talk it out. For many of us though, we've talked it out until we are blue in the face and sometimes we still play out old patterns or are still unhappy. If you think you'd go crazy, more reason to do it, right? That's how I see it. My meditation teacher said it would take my teaching to the next level, as well as my relationship with myself and others, and I have no doubt he's right. Deep down, it feels like just what I need over any kind of yoga workshop or teacher training. Don't get me wrong - I love to study with my favorite yoga teachers and new ones and learn new ways to approach my practice, but I don't feel it will give me right now the kind of transformation I am seeking.
Meditation has been the detox I have needed. Detoxing with stillness has led to more insight into the nature of my mind - the restrictions and holds I place on myself and others based on fear, where my mind likes to roam to escape (fantasy, daydreams about future) and it's shown me in terms of my body how things work or don't work. It's also give me a great gift - stillness, nothing, emptiness. I have felt it here and there in my meditation practice and it's incredible to know that exists for me, that I can rest in it and feel love and joy, instead of fear. I make healthier choices all around. My Meditation practice won't take me out of this world, as I've heard many anti-meditation folks speak about, but it will allow me to live more fully in it.
One thing I made a routine this winter, in addition to keeping up with my yoga practice, was a meditation practice. I started taking class once or twice a week at South Boston Yoga and attempted to add in some time during the week at home. I began this because I found during my meditation class when I sat for 30 to 45 min that my mind was going in all kinds of directions. It made me realize that if it was doing this while I was still, it must also be doing it while I was moving around, even during my yoga practice, and that I was never truly PRESENT. This was scary to me, in the sense I didn't want to live my life that way. I wanted to fully show up for my students, my friends, my boyfriend, my family, etc.
There was a great article on Elephant Journal recently http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/03/why-yogis-dont-meditate/ which talked about why yogis don't have a regular meditation practice. I admit I was one of these yogis. The only times I've been able to commit to a regular practice is with a teacher - first years ago with a Buddhist monk at the Concord Buddhist Center and now at South Boston Yoga. I kept telling myself before my regular practice that I didn't need to sit to meditate - I'd meditate while practicing, teaching, doing the dishes, etc. Some of this was true. I have found that teaching is one of the places I am truly in the moment - most days :) But within my yoga practice it depended on the teacher. If I was with a teacher who encouraged rest and doing what worked for me, I could get out of my head. If I was a teacher who was tougher, more vigorous, I became competitive. And in my daily life, I was a horrible listener with friends and family, often stuck in my head, zoning out.
It's a practice, but I find I am able to listen better, to look people in the eye, to HEAR them and to notice when I am not. I am able to be there for my students more, and for myself in my own practice. I take challenging classes and teachers and modify, rest as I need to. I am not fully present all the time, but I am calmer, able to be ok with stillness and not just filling space with endless chatter. I am even considering a 10 day silent meditation this June. http://www.dhara.dhamma.org/ns/ My meditation teacher recommended it to me recently and my first reaction was completely from my head "what? me? are you sure?" I was in total fear. He reassured me and then I thought more about it, and said, why not? What better way to detox than to be with myself in the most intimate format? I was telling one of my students about it and he said "Heck no! I'd go crazy." I'm not saying this type of retreat would be right for everyone - some people need to talk it out. For many of us though, we've talked it out until we are blue in the face and sometimes we still play out old patterns or are still unhappy. If you think you'd go crazy, more reason to do it, right? That's how I see it. My meditation teacher said it would take my teaching to the next level, as well as my relationship with myself and others, and I have no doubt he's right. Deep down, it feels like just what I need over any kind of yoga workshop or teacher training. Don't get me wrong - I love to study with my favorite yoga teachers and new ones and learn new ways to approach my practice, but I don't feel it will give me right now the kind of transformation I am seeking.
Meditation has been the detox I have needed. Detoxing with stillness has led to more insight into the nature of my mind - the restrictions and holds I place on myself and others based on fear, where my mind likes to roam to escape (fantasy, daydreams about future) and it's shown me in terms of my body how things work or don't work. It's also give me a great gift - stillness, nothing, emptiness. I have felt it here and there in my meditation practice and it's incredible to know that exists for me, that I can rest in it and feel love and joy, instead of fear. I make healthier choices all around. My Meditation practice won't take me out of this world, as I've heard many anti-meditation folks speak about, but it will allow me to live more fully in it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)