I am Mom enough

By now, most of you have probably seen and/or heard about the uproar a recent TIME magazine cover caused. It showed a woman breastfeeding her 3 year old son and the cover asked "Are You Mom Enough?" Underneath the headline it reads "Why attachment parenting drives some mothers to extremes - and how Dr. Bill Sears became their guru" Now I must admit, looking at the picture my eyes did get a little big and I did a double take not because a breast was on the cover or that a child was sucking on it - the picture caused me to question if I would do the same, breastfeed Julian when he was three. And this child on the cover was a large three year old - probably the size Julian may be since he is a big kid already. I think TIME intended to shock through their use of a bigger three year old, the fact that the kid is standing on a chair to reach his mom's breast, and their use of the words extremes and guru when talking about attachment parenting. They also did a good job of trying to create a Mommy war by asking "are you mom enough" Luckily I believe Moms are pretty united no matter what their parenting style and will stand by each other through thick and thin. The people that will argue over this cover most are the ones that have either never breastfed (men mainly) or the ones whom this photo instills a sense of fear within them. I catch myself sometimes being "that Mom" We were at the Arboretum for Mothers Day and I saw a mother giving her two younger children soda at the end of the day perhaps because it was all the vendors had left as they were sold out of lemonade, but there was still that part of me that went "soda to kids? and at 5 oclock? oh no! she shouldn't do that" I judge myself enough as a new Mom. I don't need others judging me. I certainly don't need to be judging them. We are all trying to do a good job, love our kids, raise them to be happy and independent, let them find their own unique gifts to this world. I don't subscribe to one type of parenting style. If you co sleep, cool. If you dont, cool. If you breastfeed, cool. If you don't, cool. Etc etc I am figuring out what works for me and my family. I knew I'd be committed to breastfeeding Julian to a year but had never thought past that mainly cause I knew people thought it to be "weird" and I kinda thought it a bit weird myself to be honest - before motherhood. Now I see my breastfeeding relationship with my son to be more than just a nutritional one. There's an intimacy, a connection that only he and I understand. There's times he nurses and he's in the zone - eyes closed, sighing and I know in that moment I am providing him a great comfort and not just a nutritional need. There's times he's nursing with eyes open and he's batting my boob (cause come on, it's a boob at that point when your kid is playing with it like it's a tennis ball!) kinda laughing with his eyes and smiling and I smile and laugh back. Boob as entertainment! This relationship will change as he gets older, as he starts to want to try solids and I'm sure he'll want to nurse less. I found myself anxious already thinking to that year mark because I knew Josh had indicated he supported me nursing for a year, but not after that. We argued about this one. Finally, I talked to him the other night without the emotional charge I had been bringing to the conversation and he said it's not that he thinks boom one year, no more nursing. He just said he thought that was a good time to start weaning. I felt relieved he understood it was a gradual process. I admitted I didn't know how long I'd nurse him but knew weaning would happen at some point - and wanted Julian to be a part of that decision. Being Mom enough means loving your child unconditionally. It means sacrifice. It means surrender. It means being brave. It involves all the nitty gritty details I could post in here but won't.. today. Perhaps one blog post will be that - a day in the life of a mom to a 2 month old! One of my students recently said that becoming a mother has made me more brave. And it has! I chanted to a packed room of students for the first time the other day - a little off key. I am giving up classes I adore because I feel being home with Julian for his bedtime is more important. I kept saying I must take yoga any time I am able to have a free night, weekend and instead I'm walking to get ice cream with my family, or taking a nap sometimes. My yoga practice is certainly on my mat but it's so much more off my mat these days. It's how can I be the best Mom even on those days I am dead tired and can barely muster a smile and there's this little angel smiling at me at 530am... it's how can I be the best partner when I can barely listen to what Josh is saying out of sheer exhaustion and we haven't had a moment just for us in weeks... it's how can I be the best teacher when I didn't get to take the cool workshop I wanted or I can't get to my favorite teachers class or I didn't have time to plan my music or write out my sequence... it's how I accomplish all those things that make me Mom enough. And that is by far the highest and truest form of yoga! It's something we all strive to do everyday - or those of us who are living the lives we love, loving the lives we live. And in honor of being brave, and in support of all breastfeeding mamas out there, I am going to share with you a piece of me and Julian. It's a photo I took of us breastfeeding in one of those serene moments. I honestly haven't shared this with anyone. Not even Josh. It's private. But it's a moment I'm willing to share to showcase bravery to you all - may you all be Mom enough, whether a mother or not!