Recognizing my mind, choosing my words

I have been trying to start a regular meditation practice this year. So far it has mainly been a class or two a week at South Boston Yoga where I sit for 30 to 45 min and on a good day actually feel myself slipping in so to speak to basically nothing - and nothing feels real spacious! Often though it's watching my mind and seeing how it gets pulled in one direction so easily and then I'm on a downward spiral. Thinking about what I want for breakfast, and that leading to the pancakes I had at my favorite diner, and then how that diner has a restaurant that serves dinner and how I should really try that sometime, and so on and so on. Exhausting! I believe that being aware of all the doings of my mind is a good first step. I also admit it's kinda fun to indulge my mind when I feel like it and day dream, fantasize, go off on these tangents. All of that though leads to suffering because attachment develops and a fantasy is just that - a fantasy. It has nothing to do with reality, what's happening right now. I've noticed that I like to fantasize, I like to day dream. This is something I've done since I was a kid. As a kid I was doing it mainly because the life I was in I wasn't too happy with. I had parents who at that time fought constantly. My house was not a fun place to be so I'd pour myself into books and go day dream of what my life would be like someday. I'm lucky enough now to be living a life I love. I get to practice and teach yoga, and surround myself with people who are loving and supportive. I have the relationship with my boyfriend I've always dreamed about but never thought I could have. My mind will tell me that my life is not enough some days, that I need more, or worse that it's going to fail. And what my mind comes up with a lot lately is that I am not connecting outside of my teaching and yoga community. I've been watching this pattern and what I notice is it happens when I am feeling fearful, when I am caught up in my story of how I think I should be, or what a relationship should look like. It doesn't happen when I am just in the moment enjoying whatever that may hold. My lack of connection in those moments when I am caught in my head comes from being disconnected myself, from anything that I already have. Isn't that crazy? Here I am feeling disconnected, talking about disconnection and it's all happening while I am not even involved in the present moment, just following a fear and story in my head. One of my biggest problems has always been when my mind is running rampant to want to blame someone else for it. To want someone else to say something, to do something to fix it. It doesn't work that way. I am learning to speak up in the moment if something is disagreeable in a non-confrontational way rather than shove it down, and let my mind have a field day with it until I blow. If I come home and Josh is playing video games and I want to unwind with him and do something else, say "hey babe, mind if I put on some music? It's been a long day. or hey babe, wanna watch some grey's?" instead of "have you been playing video games all day? why is it so loud?" etc etc I'm at a place where I am very aware of the patterns of my mind, and where it goes when I am afraid, insecure, etc I am still working on being able to choose my words in those moments, to speak with honesty, truth and from my heart. I think the more I can try to do this, the downward spiral won't happen so much, and those moments I am feeling disconnected, will go to being connected instantly when I honor my truth.