I have been reminded of the words of Byron Katie a lot lately - asking why things happen FOR me, rather than TO me. I can't say there is a particular reason for this. It's not as if life has thrown me any speedbumps lately. I am cruising along, happy.
I think an event a few weeks ago changed my perspective. I taught at Saluting the Spirit, an event in Boston that benefits Pathways to Wellness and yogaHOPE - two non profits that serve the Boston community in a compassionate, mindful and holistic manner. The populations served by these organizations are often those who are underserved, overlooked, neglected when it comes to holistic healing. This event featured many of the "who's who" of Boston - teachers I admire and look up to. I definitely didn't consider myself a "who's who" I was so stressed leading up to the event, wishing the day to just be over, so concerned about what people would think of me and my teaching. Silly, huh? The day of the event I taught my 20 min segment a bit nervously, and then assisted for most of the day. I was in the ZONE as I assisted. It was what I needed and from the comments from others, what they needed too. The whole experience made me realize how I created my own suffering - I was stuck in a mindset of something happening TO me. My ego was fully involved and engaged. When I could step outside of that box, create more space, I felt and understood why this was happening FOR me. The FOR me part does not involve ego. It involves the SELF - my ability to be a conduit of healing for others and thus myself.
Since that time, I feel much more empowered, which makes sense. When you are in a mind set of things happening TO you, you are a victim. You have lost your power. When you can transform that to things happening FOR you, you become empowered. It's a good feeling. It has stuck with me.
I taught a class this past Friday where we focused on headstands. Now at the studio I teach at, and other places I've encountered, no one really teaches headstands in a regular class. The inversions are forearm stand and handstand usually. People may say "go into your headstand if that's part of your practice" but no one actually TEACHES it. I decided to do it, though I thought to myself, "am I breaking a cardinal rule?" It was a great class. People were responsive. I approached headstand in a way that was safe and provided the students with building blocks toward the peak pose, and I reminded them constantly "if you feel unstable, you ARE unstable" And then this one girl toppled out of tripod on to her block when I wasn't watching. I had taken a glance earlier and she looked stable - not sure what happened. The student in front of her who was probably the most advanced asana wise I thought gave me a look as to almost say "how could you let this happen" Aha - here's my ego saying how could this happen TO me. I checked on the student, gave her a few tips to release her back which had hit the block, and continued with class. In the back of my mind, I wondered what that more advanced student thought. I taught a few more vatiations of basket headstand later, and then began to close the class with some restoration for neck and shoulders, as many students who are newer to inversions often create tension in those areas because they don't know how to engage their shoulderblades.
Now at the end of class I was still wondering if the class was successful and accomplished giving these students a basis to go into headstand safely. I decided to give myself a pep talk so to speak, as I talked to them. I told them how some teachers may say you don't approach a peak pose until you're a 6 year practicing Ashtangi, been trained by Iyengar himself, etc etc I told them my philosophy is that I believe anyone can learn the building blocks toward a peak pose and practice them. And if you are listening to your body as you should be during your practice, you will know what you are and are not ready for. I told them this is possible for all of them. I also told them that sometimes we don't listen, we fall, we injure outself. We could sit there and say "why did this happen to me? that teacher made this happen to me," etc etc or we can say that the fall or the injury happened FOR me. It's here to show me something, give me a greater awareness into my self. If you've ever read Matthew Sanford's book Waking (if not, read it!) he talks about this when he breaks his femur by pushing into a yoga pose and he talks about this major injury happening FOR him and where it took his practice and life.
I challenge you to do this daily. Ask yourself why is this happening FOR me rather than TO me. You will recognize the empowerment immediately as your own true nature.
